Being Bad Can Be Amazing

Today is Sunday and my boys spent a few hours with my mom. She, a few of my nephews and my boys went to the park, to McDonalds (no doubt had soda) and then they went back to grandma’s house to watch a movie. This of course was all before she got ready to go out to a concert with my dad tonight. This is not MY MOTHER, this lady who who spent the day playing at the park and feeding the kids junk food, only to have them melt their brains afterward in front of the television. No, this was GRANDMA. In my mother’s house, we went to church on Sunday morning. We came home and ate breakfast as a family. Then, if we hadn’t cleaned on Saturday, we spent a decent chunk of our Sunday cleaning house and doing laundry for the week.

We had home cooked meals every day. We drank super watered down versions of concentrated fruit juice followed by cups of water. There was no soda for us. My mother made sure we all helped make our meals. We were lucky if we ate out. Every week we had a fresh pot of beans to last the week. Cleaning a huge pot of beans is no fun. The only thing worse than that is making rice. I was always forced to make the rice. I hate making rice. To this day, I will do it, but I won’t like it. Then after we ate, my older sister and I were in charge of cleaning the kitchen and doing the dishes. We had to sweep and mop the kitchen nightly! I still hate doing dishes. I would rather mow the lawn, rake leaves and sweep the yard than do dishes, but that was my brother’s job. Technically, my dad would always end up doing it after getting frustrated from yelling at my brother to do it. I still would rather do any other chore in or out of the house, than clean the kitchen and do dishes. But these are all of the things that a good mother does to keep her house running and to instill responsibility in her children. I get that.

Today, I was a bad mother. I admit that freely. My kids ate bacon with their breakfast and fried potatoes. I wasn’t even the one to cook breakfast. My fiance made breakfast for us this morning AND he did the dishes. This is one of the many reasons I love this man! He loves to cook, is amazing at it and is willing to clean up after himself. He calls it HIS kitchen. I gladly and thankfully hand over all kitchen responsibilities to anyone who wants them. (Thank God I met someone who wants them!)

Ok, back to me being a bad mom. My kids came home a bit tired from the park and were ready to eat some dinner. Normally I would be good mother and make sure they had a nice nutritious dinner, including at least 1 vegetable, have them load the dishwasher (to instill responsibility, remember?) and put my sleepy babies to bed at a reasonable hour. I however asked the kids what they wanted for dinner and they chose chinese food. But before we got dinner, we went to the .99¢ store and got: 2 boxes of popcorn (kettle AND butter), a bag of gummy watermelon candy, a bag of ring pops (4 rings), a heath bar, and a movie sized box of junior mints. Then we went to get our take-out. We came home, set up our meal at the coffee table (not the dinner table) in front of the TV and proceeded to watch, not one, but TWO movies. We ate dinner, popcorn and ALL the candy we brought. Then we finished it off with a cup of hot chocolate. These boys were up till 10:30 pm. on a Sunday, well past their 8:30 bedtime.

Tonight we cuddled on the couch with pillows, blankets and in our jammies. We wrestled, tickled and laughed. I introduced them to much of the subtle humor contained in Indiana Jones, Raiders of the Lost Ark. They were fully junked-out and probably aren’t going to be feeling too great tomorrow. They fell asleep right away, too! (Thank you sugar crash) But it is only the first weekend of winter break, and it makes me sad to think soon my 12 year old won’t want to be cuddling on the couch with his brother and I. That our nights of tickling and silliness are almost behind us. Soon, I won’t even be able to fit on the couch with these monsters. Yes, I was a bad mom tonight, broke all of the good mom rules, but I loved every minute of it. And yes, in a moment of clarity, through the sugar induced delirium, I did make sure they brushed their teeth a few times before going to bed.

Why am I here?

Have you ever needed to say something out loud just so your head doesn’t explode? That is basically the reason I am here writing today. Whether or not this is ever read by anyone is simply beside the point. I am a relatively new mom, with only 12 years experience, but as the mother of 2, and step-mother of 1, that experience has to count for at least double. I am in no way an expert in child rearing (I hate that term) and I question my abilities constantly. My main goal with my kids is to raise people who will do their best, respect others, keep their moral compasses pointing relatively north and be happy in life…and if they continue to eat their vegetables, even better. Sounds like it should be simple enough, right?

I haven’t done things, well anything, in the conventional way. Here’s a little background on me: I am the 2nd of 4 children, basically the middle child since my little sister came around when I was 12. My parents have always been hard working, family oriented people, who can always throw a fun party. They were pretty cool to grow up with, as far as parents go. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized that my parents were not perfect. Don’t get me wrong, they had flaws and issues, as all people do, but I never questioned their parenting. They seemed to have this whole parenting thing figured out, and I what never realized until I became a parent, was that they were just winging-it and hoping for the best.

My older sister is a “high-achiever”, my younger brother an “under-achiever” and my little sister is the baby. We’ve all chosen different paths in our lives, but we are a very closely tied bunch (of lunatics). We see each other often and our children are very tight. My older sister, my brother and I each have 2 boys, mixed in with various cousins and their children (mostly boys), our family get togethers have been noisy, smelly and a lot of fun.

Now back to my original question, why am I here? I have no idea. My world has consisted of a million small choices that make me who I am, most of which I am proud of and happy to own. There are a few things that I wish I could do differently. A very smart lady recently told me, as I broke down while talking to her about my son, this is just part of my journey and I have to look for the lesson. I’ve been trying really hard to find the lesson lately. But as I’ve heard Dr. Phil say on many episodes, “You do the best with what you have at the time”, and sometimes that’s really all I can tell myself when it comes to the some directions my life has traveled. When it comes down to it, I do my best (mostly), I try be respectful of everyone I come across, and thanks to my wonderful parents, my moral compass knows which direction is north. Also, I am generally a very happy person, and with the exception of squash, I almost always eat my vegetables.